Non-grief Books for My Grief
By Janelle Ketcher
While I love books that destigmatize grief and share expansive outlooks on loss – I also find myself drawn to books that tap into nostalgia or ground me from the rollercoaster of grief. In some capacity, the following 10 books have been a companion in my grief journey without being overtly about grief. In some instances, such as On Earth we are Briefly Gorgeous and Norwegian Wood, grief is indeed a strong theme but is woven throughout the story alongside other poignant life themes. Books such as The Hobbit and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe are books that resonate specifically with the loss of my mother as they were some of her favorite childhood books. Counter to that, books such as Braiding Sweetgrass, How We Show Up, and Tao of Pooh relate more generally to what I’ve learned from grief – to slow down and care for one another. Through a fiction and nonfiction lens, The Swimmers and On Vanishing highlight the experience of dementia which, for me, gives me space to reflect on my mom’s own journey with memory loss. And for Tom Lake, I found yearning and joy for the mother with three uniquely different daughters – a family dynamic that so deeply shaped who I am. If you’re looking for more direct grief books, please check out the The Grief and Loss Toolkit, The Loss Foundation, or look towards Reddit or Goodreads for crowdsourced recommendations.
Below, you’ll find the list of books by author followed by a list of the themes some of them share in common. While I would happily recommend any of these books for a pleasurable reading experience, I welcome you to try this on your own. If you were to create a list of “non-grief books for your grief”, what would it look like?
This piece was written as a response to Valerie Hotchkiss’ The History and Practice of Bibliotherapy course in my graduate program at University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.
Titles
Birdsong, Mia. How We Show Up. Marcus Books, 2020. [Non-Fiction].
In How We Show Up, Mia shows that what separates us isn’t only the ever-present injustices built around race, class, gender, values, and beliefs, but also our denial of our interdependence and need for belonging. In response to the fear and discomfort we feel, we’ve built walls, and instead of leaning on each other, we find ourselves leaning on concrete.
Themes: Community, Caregiving, Belonging, Relationships, Spiritual
Casteel Harper, Lynn. On Vanishing: Mortality, Dementia, and What It Means to Disappear. Catapult, 2021. [Non-Fiction].
An estimated fifty million people in the world suffer from dementia. Diseases such as Alzheimer’s erase parts of one’s memory but are also often said to erase the self. People don’t simply die from such diseases; they are imagined, in the clichés of our era, as vanishing in plain sight, fading away, or enduring a long goodbye. In On Vanishing, Lynn Casteel Harper, a Baptist minister and nursing home chaplain, investigates the myths and metaphors surrounding dementia and aging, addressing not only the indignities caused by the condition but also by the rhetoric surrounding it. Harper asks essential questions about the nature of our outsized fear of dementia, the stigma this fear may create, and what it might mean for us all to try to “vanish well.”
Themes: Dementia, Impermanence, Mortality, Aging, Caregiving
Hoff, Benjamin. The Tao of Pooh. Dutton Books, 1982. [Fiction].
Winnie-the-Pooh has a certain Way about him, a way of doing things that has made him the world's most beloved bear. In The Tao of Pooh, Benjamin Hoff shows that Pooh's Way is amazingly consistent with the principles of living envisioned by the Chinese founders of Taoism. The author's explanation of Taoism through Pooh, and Pooh through Taoism, shows that this is not simply an ancient and remote philosophy but something you can use, here and now.
Themes: Spiritual, Presence, Reciprocity with Nature, Humility, Harmony
Lewis, C.S. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. HarperTrophy, 1978. [Fiction].
When four children are evacuated from London during World War II, they find themselves in the mysterious home of Professor Digory Kirke. Told never to disturb the professor, they spend one rainy day playing hide-and-seek in the ancient, rambling house. Lucy, the youngest, decides to hide in the professor's old wardrobe. What she soon discovers is that the wardrobe conceals the entrance to Narnia, a magical land whose creatures live under a curse.
Themes: Morality, Sacrifice, Spiritual, Adventure, Forgiveness
Murakami, Haruki. Norwegian Wood. Kodansha, 1987. [Fiction].
Toru, a serious young college student in Tokyo, is devoted to Naoko, a beautiful and introspective young woman, but their mutual passion is marked by the tragic death of their best friend years before. As Naoko retreats further into her own world, Toru finds himself drawn to a fiercely independent and sexually liberated young woman.
Themes: Grief, Relationships, Nostalgia, Intimacy, Coming-of-Age
Otsuka, Julie. The Swimmers. Penguin Random House, 2023. [Fiction].
The swimmers are unknown to one another except through their private routines (slow lane, medium lane, fast lane) and the solace each takes in their morning or afternoon laps. But when a crack appears at the bottom of the pool, they are cast out into an unforgiving world without comfort or relief.
Themes: Identity, Dementia, Community, Aging, Routine
Patchett, Ann. Tom Lake. HarperCollins, 2025. [Fiction].
In the spring of 2020, Lara’s three daughters return to the family's orchard in Northern Michigan. While picking cherries, they beg their mother to tell them the story of Peter Duke, a famous actor with whom she shared both a stage and a romance years before at a theater company called Tom Lake. As Lara recalls the past, her daughters examine their own lives and relationship with their mother, and are forced to reconsider the world and everything they thought they knew.
Themes: Reflection, Family, Storytelling, Secrets, Presence
Tolkien, J. R. R. The Hobbit. George Allen & Unwin Ltd, 1937. [Fiction].
Bilbo Baggins is a hobbit who enjoys a comfortable, unambitious life, rarely traveling any farther than his pantry or cellar. But his contentment is disturbed when the wizard Gandalf and a company of dwarves arrive on his doorstep one day to whisk him away on an adventure. They have launched a plot to raid the treasure hoard guarded by Smaug the Magnificent, a large and very dangerous dragon. Bilbo reluctantly joins their quest, unaware that on his journey to the Lonely Mountain he will encounter both a magic ring and a frightening creature known as Gollum.
Themes: Growth, Adventure, Relationships, Morality, Longing
Vuong, Ocean. On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous. Penguin Books, 2021. [Fiction].
On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous is a letter from a son to a mother who cannot read. Written when the speaker, Little Dog, is in his late twenties, the letter unearths a family’s history that began before he was born — a history whose epicenter is rooted in Vietnam — and serves as a doorway into parts of his life his mother has never known, all of it leading to an unforgettable revelation. At once a witness to the fraught yet undeniable love between a single mother and her son, it is also a brutally honest exploration of race, class, and masculinity. Asking questions central to our American moment, immersed as we are in addiction, violence, and trauma, but undergirded by compassion and tenderness, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous is as much about the power of telling one’s own story as it is about the obliterating silence of not being heard.
Themes: Queerness, Forgiveness, Grief, Immigration, Intimacy
Wall Kimmerer, Robin. Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants. Milkweed Editions, 2015. [Non-Fiction].
As a botanist, Robin Wall Kimmerer has been trained to ask questions of nature with the tools of science. As a member of the Citizen Potawatomi Nation, she embraces the notion that plants and animals are our oldest teachers. In Braiding Sweetgrass, Kimmerer brings these two lenses of knowledge together to take us on “a journey that is every bit as mythic as it is scientific, as sacred as it is historical, as clever as it is wise” (Elizabeth Gilbert).
Themes: Reciprocity with Nature, Indigenous Knowledge, Community, Gratitude, Spiritual
Themes
-
Adventure
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
The Hobbit
Aging
On Vanishing
The Swimmers
Belonging
How We Show Up
Caregiving
How We Show Up
On Vanishing
Coming-of-Age
Norwegian Wood
Community
How We Show Up
The Swimmers
Braiding Sweetgrass
Dementia
On Vanishing
The Swimmers
Family
Tom Lake
Forgiveness
On Earth we are Briefly Gorgeous
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Tom Lake
Gratitude
Braiding Sweetgrass
Grief
Norwegian Wood
On Earth we are Briefly Gorgeous
Growth
The Hobbit
Harmony
The Tao of Pooh
Humility
The Tao of Pooh
Identity
The Swimmers
Immigration
On Earth we are Briefly Gorgeous
Impermanence
On Vanishing
Indigenous Knowledge
Braiding Sweetgrass
Intimacy
Norwegian Wood
On Earth we are Briefly Gorgeous
Longing
The Hobbit
Morality
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
The Hobbit
Mortality
On Vanishing
Nostalgia
Norwegian Wood
Presence
The Tao of Pooh
Tom Lake
Queerness
On Earth we are Briefly Gorgeous
Reciprocity with Nature
The Tao of Pooh
Braiding Sweetgrass
Relationships
The Hobbit
How We Show Up
Norwegian Wood
Routine
The Swimmers
Sacrifice
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Secrets
Tom Lake
Spiritual
How We Show Up
The Tao of Pooh
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Braiding Sweetgrass
Storytelling
Tom Lake
Blog listing photo by Asal Lotfi on Unsplash